Saturday, August 30, 2008
I'm Bi-polar, but I'm Taking my Medication
His profile was intriguing. He was well read, articulate, and his pictures were "fun", everything that I look for in a prospective date. We met at Starbucks. He was dressed well, not too trendy but not uptight either. His shirt was short sleeved with a collar, not exactly a Tommy Bahama, maybe a JC Penneys knock off. The pants he was wearing were flat front "Docker like" but not as nerdy. He was pleasant looking, and he talked with a perpetual smile. He was animated, and I liked that, probably because I'm animated. We both talked with our hands and made a lot of facial expressions, and seemed to just click. We laughed and talked for about an hour.
He didn't order coffee, he had juice instead. I asked him why and he said that caffeine makes him too hyper...okay, I'll buy that. He told me that he had fifty percent custody of his two boys ages 6 and 10. The interesting thing about his custody situation is that they didn't displace the children, they moved in and out of the family house every other week. He didn't exactly sound fond of his ex-wife but was willing to cooperate for the sake of his kids. I admired him for putting his children first. At the end of our coffee date we went our separate ways, he told me he would call me. That night he called and asked me out for an official "first date", I was excited with the idea of seeing him again. We made plans to go to a local restaurant. I was on cloud nine, maybe he was the guy I had been looking for. I sure hoped so! Things were moving along well, he seemed like a hot prospect.
Since our first meeting went so well, I agreed to let him pick me up at my house (I was breaking my number one rule, but he seemed trustworthy). We started out with drinks. I ordered a glass of Chardonnay, he ordered a beer. While we were drinking our drink he asked me if I would be interested in going to Sushi after our drinks. Well, since it was about 6:30pm and I hadn't had dinner yet, I was starving, besides I love Sushi. What was he thinking? Of course I wanted dinner, why would I let him pick me up just to have a drink. After all...IT WAS DINNER TIME. Did I miss something? Isn't that what we were doing here in the first place? Then he started going into a long detailed story about how he lost his wallet. Come to find out, his 6 year old son took it and hid it from him, he looked for it for two days. The housekeeper finally called him and told him that she found it in the boy's dirty clothes hamper (how cute...huh?..not) He said if I wanted to go to Sushi I was going to have to kick in some money, if that was alright with me. WAIT A MINUTE HERE...didn't he just invite me to dinner? At first I was speechless, what kind of date was this? I said fine, but he had just raised a huge red flag, and this date had taken an ugly turn. If I hadn't of been so hungry I would've asked him to take me home then and there. Now I ask you, wouldn't most men call and explain "the wallet incident" before the date, maybe ask to reschedule? Yes...I believe they would. Was he trying to test me? We finished our drinks and walked to the Sushi restaurant. Something told me not to order alcohol, call it intuition, plus I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. The waitress took our orders and brought us water (he didn't order alcohol either, probably because he couldn't afford to). He then proceeded to tell me, with a big smile on his face, that his life had improved drastically in May (it was now November). He got up from the table to go to the restroom, and told me to guess the reason why, while he was gone. Excuse me? What the hell was he talking about? When he returned he asked me if I had any guesses. I was dumbfounded by the question, and told him I had no clue. He then proceeded to tell me his story. He was the youngest of three siblings, his mother had died when he was three. His father put all three children in an orphanage because he couldn't take care of them. When he was five his father remarried and brought the children home....then he looked me in the eye and said,"My step mother was criminally abusive". CHECK PLEASE!!! Well, that's what I wanted to say,but when I opened my mouth nothing came out but, "Oh that's terrible!" I didn't even want to know how abusive,T.M.I. dude, I just wanted to put the whole sushi roll in my mouth and sneak out the back door. He then went on to say how she would beat them and verbally abuse them while his dad was at work. Is this first date conversation? NO...not even close. I was getting increasingly uncomfortable, but I just sat there in shear disbelief of what I was hearing. Hey...is this some kind of joke?...am I being Punk'd? Where is Ashton? The story moved on to when he was a teenager and how he became hooked on drugs and became a Cocaine dealer, ending up in prison in his late twenties. OH MY GOD! How did I get involved with this guy?...is this the same guy that had me in stitches while I was drinking my grande-nonfat-late-with-one-splenda? He said when he got out of prison he met his wife and fell in love. They had a stormy relationship and he admitted to me that he had verbally abused her, and how he didn't blame her for wanting a divorce. OKAY THAT'S IT! I was starting to plan my escape. But, then came the good news, in May he had been diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder and is now taking his medication and he's all better, and how he realized that he had been self-medicating all those years. Oh thank God, and I thought he was just NUTS. He looked at me across the table and smiled, so proud of himself for telling me the truth. Now we can be close because there are no secrets between us. Over my dead body, that's actually what I was afraid of. This guy was straight up crazy! Remember, he picked me up at my house. My children were on vacation with their father, and my dog was staying with a friend of mine. I had to go home to an empty house with this psycho. As we were walking to the car, and the whole time he was driving me home, he was commenting on the neighborhood and how superficial and pretentious it was, how spoiled the people were and how he despised them. He remarked that he could never live in a place like this. I lived five minutes from the restaurant...I guess that means me...right? My heart was pounding as he drove me home. Hey buddy, I payed for my own dinner, give me a break. Yes...I admit I expected him to buy me dinner, but is that being spoiled? I thought that's what a date was all about? As soon as he pulled into my driveway I opened the door and jumped out. I leaned back in the car and said thank you and goodbye, hoping he would just say goodbye and leave. He jumped out and said that he was a gentleman and he always walks a lady to her door. I was extremely uncomfortable because I didn't want to agitate him, but the thought of kissing him was more than I could bear. He then stood in front of my door blocking me from going inside. I didn't know what to do so I put out my right hand to shake his, and then I think I said something like, "Did I tell you that I'm a black belt in Karate?". I know, stupid, but it was the first thing that came to my mind. Then he said, "you're not getting away that easy...I love to hug". SHIT! Take a hint...for God sake...leave already! I knew that I wasn't going to get away without hugging him, what I really wanted to do was give him a roundhouse kick to the head, but I reached my hands out, and he hugged me for what seemed like a half an hour. He probably learned that in group therapy. Then he released me and turned and walked to his car. I could barely get my key in the door I was shaking so bad, my legs felt like rubber and almost buckled underneath of me. I got in, locked all of the doors and windows, including the door to my master bedroom. Ahhhh...home at last.
The next day when he called I didn't answer the phone. He tried two more times, I didn't answer any of his calls. The next message he left went like this,"I guess I made a mistake, and said too much". Ya think?
He didn't order coffee, he had juice instead. I asked him why and he said that caffeine makes him too hyper...okay, I'll buy that. He told me that he had fifty percent custody of his two boys ages 6 and 10. The interesting thing about his custody situation is that they didn't displace the children, they moved in and out of the family house every other week. He didn't exactly sound fond of his ex-wife but was willing to cooperate for the sake of his kids. I admired him for putting his children first. At the end of our coffee date we went our separate ways, he told me he would call me. That night he called and asked me out for an official "first date", I was excited with the idea of seeing him again. We made plans to go to a local restaurant. I was on cloud nine, maybe he was the guy I had been looking for. I sure hoped so! Things were moving along well, he seemed like a hot prospect.
Since our first meeting went so well, I agreed to let him pick me up at my house (I was breaking my number one rule, but he seemed trustworthy). We started out with drinks. I ordered a glass of Chardonnay, he ordered a beer. While we were drinking our drink he asked me if I would be interested in going to Sushi after our drinks. Well, since it was about 6:30pm and I hadn't had dinner yet, I was starving, besides I love Sushi. What was he thinking? Of course I wanted dinner, why would I let him pick me up just to have a drink. After all...IT WAS DINNER TIME. Did I miss something? Isn't that what we were doing here in the first place? Then he started going into a long detailed story about how he lost his wallet. Come to find out, his 6 year old son took it and hid it from him, he looked for it for two days. The housekeeper finally called him and told him that she found it in the boy's dirty clothes hamper (how cute...huh?..not) He said if I wanted to go to Sushi I was going to have to kick in some money, if that was alright with me. WAIT A MINUTE HERE...didn't he just invite me to dinner? At first I was speechless, what kind of date was this? I said fine, but he had just raised a huge red flag, and this date had taken an ugly turn. If I hadn't of been so hungry I would've asked him to take me home then and there. Now I ask you, wouldn't most men call and explain "the wallet incident" before the date, maybe ask to reschedule? Yes...I believe they would. Was he trying to test me? We finished our drinks and walked to the Sushi restaurant. Something told me not to order alcohol, call it intuition, plus I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. The waitress took our orders and brought us water (he didn't order alcohol either, probably because he couldn't afford to). He then proceeded to tell me, with a big smile on his face, that his life had improved drastically in May (it was now November). He got up from the table to go to the restroom, and told me to guess the reason why, while he was gone. Excuse me? What the hell was he talking about? When he returned he asked me if I had any guesses. I was dumbfounded by the question, and told him I had no clue. He then proceeded to tell me his story. He was the youngest of three siblings, his mother had died when he was three. His father put all three children in an orphanage because he couldn't take care of them. When he was five his father remarried and brought the children home....then he looked me in the eye and said,"My step mother was criminally abusive". CHECK PLEASE!!! Well, that's what I wanted to say,but when I opened my mouth nothing came out but, "Oh that's terrible!" I didn't even want to know how abusive,T.M.I. dude, I just wanted to put the whole sushi roll in my mouth and sneak out the back door. He then went on to say how she would beat them and verbally abuse them while his dad was at work. Is this first date conversation? NO...not even close. I was getting increasingly uncomfortable, but I just sat there in shear disbelief of what I was hearing. Hey...is this some kind of joke?...am I being Punk'd? Where is Ashton? The story moved on to when he was a teenager and how he became hooked on drugs and became a Cocaine dealer, ending up in prison in his late twenties. OH MY GOD! How did I get involved with this guy?...is this the same guy that had me in stitches while I was drinking my grande-nonfat-late-with-one-splenda? He said when he got out of prison he met his wife and fell in love. They had a stormy relationship and he admitted to me that he had verbally abused her, and how he didn't blame her for wanting a divorce. OKAY THAT'S IT! I was starting to plan my escape. But, then came the good news, in May he had been diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder and is now taking his medication and he's all better, and how he realized that he had been self-medicating all those years. Oh thank God, and I thought he was just NUTS. He looked at me across the table and smiled, so proud of himself for telling me the truth. Now we can be close because there are no secrets between us. Over my dead body, that's actually what I was afraid of. This guy was straight up crazy! Remember, he picked me up at my house. My children were on vacation with their father, and my dog was staying with a friend of mine. I had to go home to an empty house with this psycho. As we were walking to the car, and the whole time he was driving me home, he was commenting on the neighborhood and how superficial and pretentious it was, how spoiled the people were and how he despised them. He remarked that he could never live in a place like this. I lived five minutes from the restaurant...I guess that means me...right? My heart was pounding as he drove me home. Hey buddy, I payed for my own dinner, give me a break. Yes...I admit I expected him to buy me dinner, but is that being spoiled? I thought that's what a date was all about? As soon as he pulled into my driveway I opened the door and jumped out. I leaned back in the car and said thank you and goodbye, hoping he would just say goodbye and leave. He jumped out and said that he was a gentleman and he always walks a lady to her door. I was extremely uncomfortable because I didn't want to agitate him, but the thought of kissing him was more than I could bear. He then stood in front of my door blocking me from going inside. I didn't know what to do so I put out my right hand to shake his, and then I think I said something like, "Did I tell you that I'm a black belt in Karate?". I know, stupid, but it was the first thing that came to my mind. Then he said, "you're not getting away that easy...I love to hug". SHIT! Take a hint...for God sake...leave already! I knew that I wasn't going to get away without hugging him, what I really wanted to do was give him a roundhouse kick to the head, but I reached my hands out, and he hugged me for what seemed like a half an hour. He probably learned that in group therapy. Then he released me and turned and walked to his car. I could barely get my key in the door I was shaking so bad, my legs felt like rubber and almost buckled underneath of me. I got in, locked all of the doors and windows, including the door to my master bedroom. Ahhhh...home at last.
The next day when he called I didn't answer the phone. He tried two more times, I didn't answer any of his calls. The next message he left went like this,"I guess I made a mistake, and said too much". Ya think?
Friday, August 29, 2008
Mr. Black American Express
I bet you thought this was about an African-American. Nope, that's a different story all together. It's about a guy who waved his "black" American Express card at me, while we were sitting at the bar having appetizers and wine, and bragged about how he could buy a new Mercedes with it if he wanted. Oh brother...I almost choked on my crab cake. BFD... Should I sleep with you now? Damn...I've hit pay-dirt! Or should I say dirt bag!
I have to admit, I was impressed initially, he had a wonderful bottle of Chardonnay waiting for me with two glasses when I arrived, ahhh...great wine is my weakness. I couldn't tell you what his name was if you paid me, I've conveniently erased it from my memory. He was a well-dressed business man. I think he was Italian, you know the type, tall dark and Guido...I mean handsome. His shirt had full starch and cuffs, accessorized with monogrammed cuff links. His slacks and shoes, definitely Italian, you could see his matching manyhose (knee highs) when he sat on the bar stool, and he was wearing a Sub Mariner Rolex. Okay, so I noticed, you can't blame a girl for being perceptive. Hey...now that I think of it...why wasn't his Rolex solid gold?..he's got the black A.E. card?
The conversation was mostly about him...shocker...huh?...and his Ex-wife Diane (that's funny why do I remember her name...oh yah...he said it about 10 times) who was manic depressive and didn't like sex. Oh...if I had a dollar for every time I've heard that story. Hey buddy...she probably liked sex, just not with you. I forgot to mention that he was still living with her, which he might have forgotten to mention before our date. But,they don't sleep together, OF COURSE...that goes without saying. Uh huh, I totally understand...go on...you were saying dirt bag. If he's so rich, why aren't they divorced, and why don't they live in separate houses? Okay...I've finished my crab cakes, seared Ahi, and whatever the hell else we ordered, and I'm ready to leave. Just in case you were wondering, I don't go out with men just to get meals. I can buy them myself, thank you very much. Believe me, when you have to listen to a windbag like this guy, it isn't exactly free. So...where was I? Oh yah, I'm done and ready to leave...I've got an episode of Law and Order I have to catch. So...I say, "Thank you very much for the wine and appetizers, it was nice to meet you" as I get up and grab my purse, and he says, "Not so fast...I'll walk you to your car". SHIT, I almost made a clean getaway. We walk out to my car, and just as I turn around to say good-bye he plants one on me. I have two choices here, I can pull away and make a scene, or I can just comply and go home quietly. My bad...I kiss him back. Not a bad kisser, I actually liked it...maybe I've misjudged him...blown things out of proportion. Then he whispers into my ear, "Want to get in your car and make-out"? Whoa...hold it right there. What are we, in junior high? I say, "no thanks, I'll pass, I really have to get home". Besides, it's now 7:00pm and I've wasted enough time...L and O is going to start any minute, and it's going to take me at least 5 minutes to get home.
I have to admit, I was impressed initially, he had a wonderful bottle of Chardonnay waiting for me with two glasses when I arrived, ahhh...great wine is my weakness. I couldn't tell you what his name was if you paid me, I've conveniently erased it from my memory. He was a well-dressed business man. I think he was Italian, you know the type, tall dark and Guido...I mean handsome. His shirt had full starch and cuffs, accessorized with monogrammed cuff links. His slacks and shoes, definitely Italian, you could see his matching manyhose (knee highs) when he sat on the bar stool, and he was wearing a Sub Mariner Rolex. Okay, so I noticed, you can't blame a girl for being perceptive. Hey...now that I think of it...why wasn't his Rolex solid gold?..he's got the black A.E. card?
The conversation was mostly about him...shocker...huh?...and his Ex-wife Diane (that's funny why do I remember her name...oh yah...he said it about 10 times) who was manic depressive and didn't like sex. Oh...if I had a dollar for every time I've heard that story. Hey buddy...she probably liked sex, just not with you. I forgot to mention that he was still living with her, which he might have forgotten to mention before our date. But,they don't sleep together, OF COURSE...that goes without saying. Uh huh, I totally understand...go on...you were saying dirt bag. If he's so rich, why aren't they divorced, and why don't they live in separate houses? Okay...I've finished my crab cakes, seared Ahi, and whatever the hell else we ordered, and I'm ready to leave. Just in case you were wondering, I don't go out with men just to get meals. I can buy them myself, thank you very much. Believe me, when you have to listen to a windbag like this guy, it isn't exactly free. So...where was I? Oh yah, I'm done and ready to leave...I've got an episode of Law and Order I have to catch. So...I say, "Thank you very much for the wine and appetizers, it was nice to meet you" as I get up and grab my purse, and he says, "Not so fast...I'll walk you to your car". SHIT, I almost made a clean getaway. We walk out to my car, and just as I turn around to say good-bye he plants one on me. I have two choices here, I can pull away and make a scene, or I can just comply and go home quietly. My bad...I kiss him back. Not a bad kisser, I actually liked it...maybe I've misjudged him...blown things out of proportion. Then he whispers into my ear, "Want to get in your car and make-out"? Whoa...hold it right there. What are we, in junior high? I say, "no thanks, I'll pass, I really have to get home". Besides, it's now 7:00pm and I've wasted enough time...L and O is going to start any minute, and it's going to take me at least 5 minutes to get home.
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